Family

The order and purpose of family is divine. While it's human members tend to exhibit human weaknesses, family is still the best place to learn life lessons in a classroom of love.

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

Hello Hello, I'm back...No excuses this time. I'm hanging my hat on the principle that it's never over until you quit, and I keep hearing the voice that says keep running, the race isn't over, so here I am.  I guess I have more to say. 

I had an uncle pass away two weeks ago.  His family is from Boise, but there was lot of extended family from all over Utah and Idaho.   AS a result the day of his graveside service was filled with family.  Extended family that I hadn’t seen or visited with for many many years.  After the service we gathered again in my mom and dad’s living room.  We talked and laughed, reconnected and just visited.  It was absolutely wonderful!
With my handsome brothers, that I couldn’t adore more, sitting on both sides of me, one with his arm lovingly around me and the other holding my hand, I looked around at the faces surrounding me, and took in the cacophony of laughter coming from the kitchen.  I was overcome with the strongest feelings of overwhelming connection, love, strength and, well, joy.
I thought of my Grandma Bird, who’s son it was that had passed, my dad’s brother, and how she must be smiling from the heavens.  Not only because her valiant son had returned to his heavenly home, but part of her family still on earth was joined together, their company surrounded in love, despite their differences.  I imagine it’s not unlike when our young kids are finally playing together nicely in the backyard, or when our grown children as adults love being in the company of one another.
I felt the strength, and the inclusion that comes from being part of  a divine order, the order of family.  
That may make you laugh when I say the order of family, if you have a young family, yours, like ours was, may be the furthest thing from order.  It seemed like there were always messes and hectic days.  
Now our children are grown ane we have grandchildren, order is still not the word I would use to describe our gatherings. There’s a lot of noise and kids running in every direction, and meal prep always going on in the kitchen, and dogs…many many dogs, and I’ve never loved disorderly chaos more!!!  
If I were to ask you who painted the ceiling of the Sistine chapel, would you know it was Michelangelo.  He is that world-renowned artist. What about the painting of Christ in the red robe, the one that hangs in many LDS homes?  Many would think of Del Parsons by that stunning painting he created.  If I said the name George Lucas, wouldn’t most of you remember that he was the creator of the Star Wars Legacy.  
Those works of art reveal something about their creators, don’t they? 
 The same could be said of our Loving Father in Heaven, who’s wonderful plan of happiness has family at it’s very core.  The order and divinity of the family, it’s very purpose tells us a lot about the nature of God.  That we are married as man and wife and commanded to love and care for one another reminds me of the love, and devotion  that our Father has for us. That we are commanded to become one as a married couple shows glimpses of John 17:21 That they all may be one; as though, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us. They want us to be unified with them in thought and deed.   And of course the role of parenthood in family is the perfect illustration of  God’s tenderness, love and endless patience toward us as His children. 
I see God’s sense of humor in my brothers and my son Mitch. I see God’s ability to nurture in my daughters and the daughters we were blessed with through marriage.  I see God’s skill and imagination in my desire to create and in my grandchildren’s imaginations.  I see God’s strength in my husband and our son’s,  desires to watch over, care for, protect and provide for their families.  
Yes, God’s signature is painted all over the family.  And not only does that tell us a lot about His nature, but it also tells us how important it was to Him.  Family was created from the very beginning In Genesis 1:27,28 we read God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, "Be fruitful , and multiply, and replenish the earth". 


I know I've mentioned this before, but I feel strongly about it.  In addition to providing physical bodies for our Father's spirit children, I believe that an integral part of the purpose and creation of family is beautifully summed up in the melody of a children’s Hymn.  The Family is of God 
“God gave us families to help us become who he wants us to be.  That is how He shares His love, for the family is of God.”

God gave us the organizations of families as the ultimate learning opportunity  to  teach us, direct us, give us loads and loads of practice in  love and patience and to help us grow. 

 It is my belief that each family member is placed in their own specific families to teach others the lessons that only they could teach, in a way necessary for them to learn. Now That may be Doctrine according to Kristin, but I also believe with that God knows each of us individually, and only He can see the beginning from the end, so there is no-one with a more perfect vision of what each of us needs to become the people we were destined to become and who might be able to facilitate those life lessons, even unknowingly through normal family interactions.

How many of you cringed at the word Normal.  Is there a normal?  We’ve laughed at how the dynamics of a family change when your children marry.  How we might be tempted sometimes to say, if they could just be “normal” like us, knowing full well they are saying the exact same thing.  
The only normal each of us know, is the sum of our experiences.  The way we were raised, the experiences that built us.  

I think you’d all agree that there is without a doubt no normal to family dynamics, relationships or histories.  Families come in every shape and size. And as our families  continue to grow, the normal expands as well, taking in all the new normals and all the differences, to create a masterpiece.  One that is tied through blood, marriage and adoption, and one that is in it’s own right, absolutely beautiful, and one that has God’s handiwork all over and in it! 
 
While the foundation and purpose for families is without a doubt divine, Those that make up those familial units aren’t always.  

We are spiritual beings having earthly experiences to learn to conquer our carnal and natural natures. 
As a result, those growth experiences in families aren’t always pleasant.  

Marjorie Pae Hinkley was known for saying: “Home is where you are loved the most and act the worst.”

Unfortunately, I believe she’s right much of the time.  Some of our less-than-desirable character traits make their appearances in our families, even more-so than anywhere else.  Why is it that those we love the most sometimes get less than our best selves, while those that shouldn’t matter much at all, get the shiny, best-foot-forward versions of us? 

Martin Luther King wrote a letter from Birmingham jail called a Network of Mutuality  It’s a powerful call to the world, but I believe it can be perfectly translated as a call to the family individually and collectively.  He said:

“We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied to a single garment of destiny.
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
There are some things in our social system to which all of us ought to be maladjusted.
Hatred and bitterness can never cure the disease of fear, only love can do that.
We must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression, and retaliation.
The foundation of such a method is love.
Before it is too late, we must narrow the gaping chasm between our proclamations of peace and our lowly deeds which precipitate and perpetuate war.
One day we must come to see that peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek but a means by which we arrive at that goal.
We must pursue peaceful ends through peaceful means.
We shall hew out of a mountain of despair, a stone of hope”.
Let’s see what it sounds like if I take a few liberties in applying this to families,  just to see…
“We are placed in an inescapable network of family, tied to a single garment of destiny.
Injustice anywhere in a family is a threat to justice everywhere.
There are some things in our families to which all of us ought to be maladjusted.
Hatred and bitterness can never cure the disease of fear, only love can do that.
We must evolve for all family conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression, and retaliation.
The foundation of such a method is love.
Before it is too late, we must narrow the gaping chasm between our proclamations of peace and our lowly deeds which precipitate and perpetuate war within a family.
One day we must come to see that peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek but a means by which we arrive at that goal.
We must pursue peaceful ends through peaceful means.
We shall hew out of a mountain of despair, a stone of hope.”
I saw a post on Instagram, I don’t remember who posted it, I looked it up and it’s anonymous, but it was on my phones screensaver for a few months. Simply put: Mountains do not rise without earthquakes. 

The place where love can be learned and practiced can also be the place where heartbreak is the greatest.  Families are that fertile ground, so we have to be oh so careful about what we plant there. 

As I sat on my parent’s couch, after my uncles service.  I saw the common threads that wove unity between my dad and his nephew that he hasn’t seen for ages.  They were bound by a brother and a father.  They were family. 
I  saw my beautiful little sister walk through the front door, she came from work during her lunch break.  Me and my brothers jumped up from the couch to wrap her in our arms. We are all bound by the sharing of a household and our childhood’s, and it made me miss my other sister living in the wilds of Alaska.  Although we live in very different places now,  I know our hearts come from the same place.  We are family.

I saw the ties that take all kinds of people from all kinds of places and walks of life gather and become one as we commemorated and celebrated the life of one of our own.  I felt the strength of that unity.  

Ask any parent anywhere and I’d be willing to bet my left leg, that we all agree, in wanting the very best for their families.  I’m sure that’s what God wants for all of us, and that may be why he gave us each other.  To rely on, to unify and draw strength from during this life journey. 

In Meridian Magazine’s Come Follow Me podcast last week, Kerry Muhlestein a BYU professor and author joined Scot and Maurine Proctor to talk about the Children of Israel at Mount Sinai.

One of the most remarkable things I learned from that podcast episode was the idea of this vertical and horizontal covenant relationship we have with God and with each other. The Lord seems to give us stewardships which are opportunities to help share the load, to help us teach and serve and therefore become transformed as well.  

When you look at this vertical and horizontal covenant.  It demonstrates the vertical covenant we’ve made to have no other God’s before us, to remember Him always.  This line should be directly from Him to Us and Us to Him.  The horizontal covenant resembles the promise we make to mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort.  These are literally the 2 great commandments to Love God and love your neighbor.

When we think of families, in all it’s forms, these are without a doubt our closest neighbors on this horizontal line right?   And when we think of this horizontal relationship spreading in each direction, we see that God is still right in the middle of it as our relationship with him connects us.  I loved seeing this visual in my mind, because it became clear to me that in order to give my family my very best, to treat them with THE  most love, care and concern, grant the most kindness, understanding and forgiveness, I would need my Savior to help me

 If I was placed in my family for a reason, I’m going to need His help to figure out how I can best serve and facililtate his purposes in that role.

Over Easter Weekend, we had everyone home.  My heart was so incredibly happy.  More than once we had a few squabbles where one of the grandchildren would be mean, or say something unkind to another, and they came running to tell Nana about it.  

I told our little Ruby that cousins were family, and we get to be with our families forever, so we better learn how to get along, forgive and love each other.  My heart swelled the next time there was a conflict and I heard Walker, who may have been the recipient of that little lecture, tell his cousins that they had to learn to get along  because they were family.  oh my goodness, I stopped the mashed potato production and hugged that little man and validated his interpretation of what he’d been told.  I hope they’ll remember that lesson forever!

Dave Willis said “Family isn’t defined only by last names or by blood; it’s defined by 
commitment and by love.  It means showing up when they need it most.  It means having each other’s backs.  It means choosing to love each other even on those days when you struggle to like each other.  It means never giving up on each other!  

I hope you can reflect on the strength, unity, connection, sense of belonging , and love you have, or want to have with your family.  It’s not always easy, but last time I checked, Heavenly Father’s never asked me to do anything easy.  Every single effort to understand, forgive and support a family member is worth every effort.  

At my Uncle Roger’s graveside service, His son, my cousin, invited anyone that wanted to share memories or testimonies to come forward and share, and person after person made reference to families.  How much my Uncle loved his, and How much our Heavenly Father does as well.  My sweet aunt, who lost her husband a few years ago said tearfully something like: “just love your families, Tell them that you do and then show them.”

That’s exactly where I want to wrap it up. Go love your families!