A Challenge and a Cheer – Mother’s Day.

Happy Mothers Day.

Sing Happy Happy Mother’s Day Momma’s dear…

Happy Mother’s day to all the wonderful mom’s out there, and to all those wonderful women who may not have children, but have the purest of mother hearts. I wish you the happiest day full of love and appreciation for the fabulous women you are!

I’m calling this week’s episode a challenge and a cheer, because mothers, and women have so much influence, and with it comes so much responsibility – thus the challenge.
And mothers and women can also be so incredibly hard on themselves and have a very difficult, sometimes impossible, time giving credit where it’s due and cutting themselves a break, thus the cheer part.  It may be a really hard balance to find, but today I hope we can spark a little fire under both. 

And, since it’s mother’s day week, I wanted to address the power that women, mothers included, have on building others, because I think, personally, that It’s one of the superhuman gifts most women inherently possess, and when accessed and developed can literally change the world, one life at a time.  But, like I said, it also comes with a BIG responsibility.  One that charges us to keep that power in check with the words, and how we employ those words when dealing with others, including our children, families, and spouses. 

So I want to start, where I started….with the woman who gave me life, my amazing mother.  She took this new little infant and started the construction process from day 1.  Of course, I came with a divine foundation, that would help me develop with the gifts and destiny that came from my Heavenly parents, but she added every single brick, every ounce of mortar, every nail and hinge and door, by the way she built me as, a daughter, a person, and a woman.  I learned by watching her, how to serve, smile and play, love, support and let things roll.  I feel like her production of, and influence on me has a lot to do with the person I am today, and I love her dearly!  Happy Mother’s Day Mom.

Doug’s mother, my mother in law is also a wonderful example but in many different ways.  Her children learned how to cultivate talents, work and love hard, be honest always, and believe and trust God.  She instilled those wonderful characteristics in my husband, and I will forever be grateful for her strong influence on his life. 

I’m sure each of us could cite a list a mile long of the women who have had lasting influences on each of us, the people we’ve become and the impressions they’ve made on us.  I hope you take the opportunity to thank and acknowledge them this week.  

Dale Carnegie in his best-selling book how to win friends and influence people has a list of 30 ways we can use that powerful influence to build others and do exactly what I want to point out here.  

 You can purchase it as a poster, or print your own, and I’ve decided to make  it a personal goal to work on one  of these 30 points each week, who wants to join me, because when I look at the influence we as women and mothers have on those we have stewardships over, whether in our families, our homes, our callings, or our marriages, I hope I’m not the only one that feels like there’s lots and lots of room for improvement. 

Now this list is quite extensive, and while I’ll be working on it personally, I’d like to point out just a handful that I think best apply for this episode. And I should say, this entire list in included in my transcripts at mannaormeatloaf.buzzsprout.com 


The first is 
Don’t criticize, condemn or complain. How hard can that sometimes be, especially, when there’s more messes and food on the kitchen floor than in your cupboards?  When your toddler breaks that heirloom, when your spouse does that same irritating thing he does for the umpteenth time? Even in difficult circumstances, we can build instead of break down.  We can choose to erect a brick in the fabric of others’ lives, instead of carelessly taking one down, and possibly unknowingly jeopardize the integrity of their structure. 

Another that I really liked, among those listed, was to Make others feel important, and to do it sincerely.  How do we do that?  We validate them as people.  We listen before we correct, we honor always and we remind them why  they’re such important parts of our lives. 

This is a good one: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.  This one is much easier said than done, but I feel like it’s always a worthy pursuit!  The bottom line is it’s simply challenging to understand what we don’t understand.  Considering the others feelings or behavior even if you don’t completely understand it, and being kind can sometimes be the bridge to understanding.   And it’s ok to be honest, and say.  I’m so sorry, I’m having a hard time understanding what drives you to behave, or say the things you do, but I can try to understand why you might be compelled, or programmed to do or say that if you’ll help me with some additional insight. 

Begin with praise and honest appreciation.  I love this one, because it can make such a huge difference in our interactions with others!  I’ve always said: You can say anything as long as you say it the right way.  If you always start out on a positive it will always be received better than moving forward when another is already feeling defensive.  It’s that old adage I told my kids and now my grandchildren.  You’ll always get more with honey than vinegar. 

Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing others.  This is is very powerful!  I’ve always loved the Bishops that everyone knew didn’t have a perfect life record, they are the ones that are so real and approachable, the ones that the youth line up to talk to, the ones that give others hope, that live in such a way, that their service screams, I’m not perfect, but if I can do it, so can you.  Bishop Stevenson was that way for us, and our daughter loved him dearly too, for that very reason.  President McMurdie, President Reece, all made lasting impressions because they were humble, quick to recognize their imperfections, so that when they had to offer corrective council, it was so much more easily received.  When your child loses his temper, and you scream back at him, does he believe you understand?  What about when you say….I know exactly how you feel, sometimes mommy loses her temper too.  I know it can be hard to take a breath.  I wish I did better sometimes too.  Should we practice that together?

This kind of goes hand in hand with the next one.  Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.  No one likes to be bossed around.  Am I the only one that thinks most women could stand to improve a bit on this one?  Or maybe it’s just me.  But I know I feel a lot more helpful and capable when my husband says I know you’re busy, but you’re so good with the tractor and I can’t move all those t-posts myself, would you mind helping me?  Makes a big difference doesn’t it.  And did you see how that one example incorporated begin with praise and appreciation, and make the person feel important.  You better believe I’m on the big red tractor helping move tons of t-posts, when approached in that manner.  

The last one I want to draw your attention to is probably my favorite, and it is use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.  Is it crazy that I remember my Grandma Bird telling me when I spilled milk in her kitchen, on her green patterned carpet, that it was only spilled milk?  I just remembered that.  How funny that now I have my own version of that, when I tell my grandchildren, no worries, we’ll just clean it up, over similar spills or messes of unimportance.

Each of these suggestions by Dale Carnegie are ways we can use the power of our influence to build the loved ones in our lives, and magnify our callings as mothers and women and leave a legacy of learning and love that they in turn will pass along to others who turn to them for direction.

As I thought of the power we have as women and mothers, I thought of a few unfortunate examples who have misused that power. 

In the most recent General Conference, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland in his address titled Not as the World Giveth, referred to the fervor of President Gordon B. Hinkley when he spoke to the men of the church in regards to abuse of any kind.  
He then quoted President Hinkley when he said “In too many instances, otherwise faithful men, women, and even children can be guilty of speaking unkindly, even destructively, to those to whom they may well be sealed by a holy ordinance in the temple of the Lord. Everyone has the right to be loved, to feel peaceful, and to find safety at home. Please, may we try to maintain that environment there. The promise of being a peacemaker is that you will have the Holy Ghost for your constant companion and blessings will flow to you “without compulsory means” forever. No one can employ a sharp tongue or unkind words and still “sing the song of redeeming love.”  

Now let me clarify, that my intention with this list is NOT to make anyone feel bad about shortcomings or add more to the never-ending list of areas we may feel we need to improve upon. I just had this list in one of my blank books and it hit me as a powerful guideline for me and the way I want to influence my children and grandchildren and I thought it was a good challenge for every mother and woman charged with the care of young people, and given the sacred stewardship of loving and caring for the needs of a spouse.  

So, this is the cheering part.  Because I believe we can challenge ourselves to do better, but cheer ourselves on as we do.  Allow me to help! 

First, I want to share a story I’m not proud of.  In fact, it still stings in the recesses of my heart.  I’m sure you’ll all feel like better mothers as a result.  I was a young mom with 4 kids, and one night my beautiful, very active, little boy, who knew exactly how to push every one of my buttons, pushed just a little too hard, and was being downright naughty.  Well, I took the scripture “spare the rod, spoil the child” to heart and whopped him on the butt, to get his attention and all he did was smirk, put his hands on his hips and said “That didn’t hurt!”, you know what I did, don’t you?  I spanked him again with a little more meaning behind it.  Again, he defied his scolding with the same words.  “That didn’t hurt!”  That did it, I sent him to his room and paddled his cute little behind on the way, a little harder than I intended, but this time he turned around with tears in his baby blues and said with as much bravery as he could, “That didn’t hurt!” between sniffles.

I cried all day, and all night, I apologized a billion times and tried to explain, to a child that had already forgiven me.  I tried to repent, but I was just sure that I would burn in Hell for treating one of God’s special spirits with such anger.  And it still hurts to think about.  

I wish I would have had then, the words spoken by Elder Holland in 2015 in his conference address titled Behold Thy Mother: “To all mothers in ever circumstance, including those who struggle – and all will-I say, Be peaceful.  Believe in God and yourself.  You are doing better than you think you are.  In fact, you are saviors on Mount Zion, and like the Master you follow, your love never faileth.  I can pay no higher tribute to anyone”. 
Oh the power in the words.  You’re doing better than you think you are!  And how hard they are to summon when we need to believe it!

The same phrase was used by Utah’s Young Mother of the Year, Breanne Bolingbroke Meline, in 2014, when she said “Mothers and fathers have such a huge influence.  Don’t ever give up.  You’re doing better than you think you are.  Just Keep putting one foot in front of another”. 

In an effort to point out how many times we’re told from our leaders that we are in fact, doing better than we think we are, I typed into the search bar of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints website: You’re doing better than you think you are, and there were 24 references in the first 4 pages alone.  I challenge you to do the same when you need a pick me up. 

One of my favorites was in November 1976 Elder Neil A. Maxwell said:  “Some of us stand before no more harsh a judge than ourselves, a judge who stubbornly refuses to admit much happy evidence and who cares nothing for due process.”

We are doing better than we think we are!  Sure there are places we can improve and things we can do to challenge ourselves and learn….(cough,, this challenge, ha ha) but the thing we have to remember is that God our loving Father in Heaven has equipped us with exactly what and who we need to learn from.  He has provided a Savior, His son, Jesus Christ, to redeem us from our shortcomings and imperfections, and His grace is sufficient through the atoning sacrifice of His blood to help us as mothers and women to reach our divine potential and empower us to do His will on earth, by blessing and building those around us.  

I hope each and every one of you has a truly wonderful and blessed Mother’s Day.  And I hope you cherish the opportunities you’ve been given to nurture and influence, cherish your own mothers, and those who’ve made you mothers and grandmothers.  Cherish this day my friends.  Happy Mother’s Day.