Playing Small

Playing small does not yield big payouts. Play Big instead!

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Do you remember last week when I told you I was waging a war of sorts, well I was and I learned an awfully lot about myself, and maybe a little bit more about human nature in general. Soooo In my attempt to be honest and transparent, with my share of weaknesses, insecurities, fears and doubts.  I hope you’ll learn, like I did, that playing small does not yield big payouts.  Like most people, I’m sure, I share those less than perfect spaces with confidence, hope, surety and strength, Depending on the day….. but isn’t that what the human experience looks like?  In a myriad of life’s ups and downs of waxing and waning, I was caught in a serious bout of waning.  And just for the record dictionary.com explains that Waxing means something is getting bigger while waning means something is getting smaller.

And as I look back at my absence of almost 12 weeks from this podcast, I can pinpoint the exact process of being poisoned by degrees that shut me down.  I started playing small.  Let me explain….

A few months ago, I was blessed with an amazing opportunity, an invitation to be part of a virtual summit with Kurt Francom of leading saints, and Faith Matters.  It was a real honor, but I only had about a week and a half to prepare, and so I already felt a lot of pressure…  Well, there’s no pretty way to say it.  I feel like I got in the way of the Spirit and missed the mark all together.  

, meaning, that I spent so much time on my words, my thoughts, my presentation, that I ended up relying more on the arm of flesh, my arm of flesh than on the guidance of the Spirit to direct my thoughts.  After the recording,  when it was all said and done, and I recognized that fact, I felt so deflated, so disappointed in myself, it was really discouraging. 

What had happened? I fasted and prayed and prayed for guidance, and the words, the thoughts and the direction seemed so clear in the beginning.  Then I got in my own head, I let fear leech into my thoughts as I realized how many people accessed this information and I recognized the professionalism and level of expertise of the other presenters in the summit and allowed that to intimidate me as well.  These people had all kinds of letters and degrees at the end of their names. I had nothing next to my name.

These thoughts allowed the uncertainty about my own abilities to gain more and more traction and gradually my confidence and the faith I had in myself began feeling nervously compressed as my doubts consumed more and more space.  Sadly, I just wanted to hide-away and pretend it hadn’t happened at all.  That should have been my first clue, because we know who encouraged our first parents Adam and Eve to run and hide when they felt ashamed.  The adversary already had his dirty little foot in the door with me. 

I hate to admit it, but when it was time to sit down and put together another episode, for this podcast, I had allowed these crippling thoughts to fester just long enough to begin convincing me that I was a complete imposter and had absolutely no right or place in the podcast world.  I was starting to believe that all the effort and time I was putting in didn’t make an ounce of difference to anyone.  Looking back, I should have realized that that thought alone, shouldn’t have had any bearing on anything.  

 But, I let that week go by.  No one said a thing, no one reached out, like they had in the past if an episode was late, with a “hey, I can’t find your episode this week”.  That gave my brain just the confirmation it needed. I was missing in action and no one cared.  Another week went by, another week of silence.  

Interestingly enough, a month into my leave of absence, you’d think I’d have all kinds of newfound time on my hands, but I just filled that time with less meaningful things.  I slowly began to feel less and less engaged in all aspects of my life, was struggling to feel the Spirit as regularly, and couldn’t understand why I was feeling blue. 

What does it mean to play small?
The Cambridge dictionary says that to play small is 
to avoid risks and actions that might cause problems or make you feel uncomfortable, with the result that you might not achieve what you want to achieve :
Playing small means our actions are motivated by our fears, insecurities, and low self-worth.
There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.
The more I learned about playing small, the more I realized that’s exactly what I’d unintentionally and unknowingly fallen into.  It is most times motivated by a state of fear or uncertainty, and a need for outside validation, driven by our own insecurities. It is the desire for a state of comfort at the cost of change and progress. It is the acceptance of being ok, but not wanting to rock the boat and strive for being great. 
John R Miles High Performance Coach, Life and Business Strategist, said in his blog “Why do we keep playing small” July 22, 2021

Playing small is “existing but not feeling fulfilled. It’s dismissing what we want in life to maintain our current zone of security, acceptance, and control.
Playing small is living a life full of regrets. Because when we play small, we avoid the actions, mindsets, and other shifts we need to achieve, living a life that unleashes our creativity and capabilities”. 
 
Unfortunately I didn’t recognize any of the symptoms of playing small until the week of October 11th while studying Come Follow Me in the Doctrine and Covenants.  In the chapter heading of section 117 vs. 10-16, in a revelation for Newal K. Whitney, it reads “They are to forsake littleness of soul, and their sacrifices will be sacred unto the Lord”  What the heck!!!  That got my attention.  Vs. 11 continues “he should be ashamed of all his littleness of soul before me” and vs. 13 drove it home  with “and when he falls he shall rise again, for his sacrifice shall be more sacred unto me than his increase, saith the Lord”.

I’ve never had a problem likening the scriptures unto myself, I seem to learn more when I place myself in the scriptures, but this one seemed to shake me from my emotional and spiritual slumber, like Thor’s hammer to the heart! P.S.  This is exactly why I always say that when we pray we speak to God and when we read the scriptures God speaks to us. 


How had I so easily fallen into this trap of feeling so small and insignificant?  I had so many things to be grateful for, so many reasons to share a bit of happiness with others who needed a smile, but I was having a hard time keeping one on my own face, all because I allowed me and my gifts to feel small.  Sometimes it’s self-inflicted, other times because of what others do and say, regardless, it can be an easy trap to fall into.  

There seems to be a bit of a balance between stepping into our greatness with confidence and not being filled with pride .  After all, how many times were we told as kids that it wasn’t nice to brag?  Or taught as an adult about the virtue of humility?  How many times have you been asked about what you do, and you minimize your contribution?  

I absolutely loved reading a snipit from melanie White’s Website In Drew’s shoes.  She said in a post titled SIGNS YOU’RE PLAYING SMALL (& HOW TO STOP) “No one’s going to search for your fairy dust. Either you sprinkle it on them or they’ll find someone else who will. You’ve got to tell everybody what you do. I’m not saying be a sleazy salesman, but you have to be true to who you are and let people know your superpower”.
Isn’t that awesome!  I just love that.  

So let’s pop, for a second, back into my personal example.  I was into my 2nd month of wearing a cloak of invisibility, but now I knew the Lord knew I knew it.  And I was asked to speak at a special priesthood session for our Stake, on the same presentation I gave during the virtual summit I felt I had bombed a month earlier.  I felt like I was given a re-do, and I knew I had to try to do better  with this attempt.
I was the only sister in the full chapel and overflow.  But this time I came with the lesson I’d learned before.  This time I would Let the Holy Spirit Guide and in the end,  I did feel good about my preparation and even better about my ability to get out of the way and let myself be simply be the tool, the messenger so to speak, and I felt the Lord’s acceptance of my presentation.
Then I went home and despite the positive experience and the reminder of wonderful and truly enlightening it is to have the Spirit work with you, I easily picked up right where I left off, because you see, even though I could see the error of my ways, I had also realized after the second presentation was over, just how much more comfortable it was to let your gifts reside quietly in your own heart, nice and safe where no one could judge them or you. 
I was becoming the epitome of the psychologist Abraham Maslow’s Jonah complex.  What he called “The evasion of one’s own growth, the setting of low levels of aspiration, the fear of doing what one is capable of doing, a voluntary self crippling”.
I could see that I wasn’t progressing in this self-appointed time off, I could see that I wasn’t actively participating in self-improvement, and although I wasn’t doing anything wrong per se, I certainly wasn’t intentionally doing anything that felt really right, on a daily, consistent basis. Oh I was living my life, working, keeping house, and going through the motions, but that’s exactly how I felt….that I was going through the motions, so I started telling a few friends selectively, and hesitantly, that I was going to get back into the podcast saddle, eventually.
Then I found a quote by author Marianne Williamson, that consequently has been misquoted for decades and attributed to Nelson Mandela, She said in her book Return to Love published in 1992 : “Our deepest fear is not that we’re inadequate, Our deepest fear is that we’re powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. But our playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”  That felt like Another shot similar to what I’d expect a cattle prod to feel like to a sleepy cow.

Then the final kick to the fanny came several weeks later, when I was browsing through the good reads website looking for another good book I could find on Audible or Deseret Bookshelf, to listen to while I was doing my dishes, or driving.  I came across a little book called the Peter Potential by Emily Belle Freeman and David Butler.  These two are some of my favorite Come Follow Me youtubers and podcasters, so I was very interested, especially in the book’s subtitle, which is Discover the life you were meant to live.  What a great book, I highly recommend it.  Besides the powerful moral of the story, The part I loved most was “There is a spark of greatness in you just waiting to be ignited.  Your possibilities span the universe.  You have within you the potential to become someone remarkable.  You were not sent to this earth to play small to shrink, to fail.  You were destined to make a difference. You were made for amazing things.” I felt like that spark was beginning to be re-ignited in me.

I felt like yelling up to the heavens OK OK, I get it.  I’ll get busy again.  Now let me clarify.  I know my work with these episodes may have begun for my children and posterity as a way to record for them the beliefs and lessons I want them to remember from me, but this work has become so much more.  As I look back with perfect hindsight now, almost 12 weeks after my break, I can see how clearly they are for me!  I am blessed when I focus on my progress, growth and improvement, when I make it a priority.  I also know I can’t truly progress, grow or improve without the help of the Lord, because I always get in my own way, I will always need to repent and His grace makes it possible for me to get up again, and keep trying.  

 In Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf’s General Conference Address Your potential, your privileges, he said: “If you feel small and weak, please simply come unto Christ, who makes weak things strong” 


I think the problem is that too often we’re guilty of not only playing too small, but thinking too small, believing too small, praying too small and overall living too small. These self-imposed limitations can keep God from doing His work in and through us and can keep us from living the lives and potential we were fore-ordained to realize. 

So as I launch myself back into this podcast arena that I may not have any right or place in, I do so knowing that it doesn’t matter.  If I involve God in the process as Elder Carlos A. Gadoy suggested, and make God the center of my focus like I mentioned last week, I truly believe that everything will fall into place.  That I will be blessed with the confidence to stand and take my place in the work I feel called to do, and be blessed with the ability to develop the skills I need to continue to improve.  I believe that he will make more of me and my efforts than I alone could do, and I know He’ll do the same for you!
I found an article in Psychology today
by Gregg Levoy Why We Play Small The role of resistance in following our callings. It’s a long quote, but I simply can’t leave it out because of how perfectly it illustrates exactly what I mean.
Levoy states: “Everybody, to some extent, backs away from their authenticity, settles for less, and hobbles their own power. Everybody occasionally ignores the promptings of the soul and then the discontent that ensues, trying to distract themselves by counting their blessings, all the reasons they should be happy with their lot in life, content with things as they are, things that may once have been be-alls and end-alls but lost their intoxication after five years, put them on automatic pilot after ten, and became a prison after fifteen. There’s a reason the mythologist Joseph Campbell identified the first two stages of the hero’s journey as 1) receiving the call, and 2) refusing it.
A calling may also make you wonder if you’re good enough, smart enough, disciplined enough, educated enough, patient enough, and inspired enough. And you’re especially likely to question yourself if you believe your calls have been sent directly from God, because then the pressure mounts. If you’re afraid of failing, you’re afraid of failing not just in your own eyes but also in God’s. Historically, the reaction typically elicited in those who were chosen for a divine calling wasn’t pride and shouts of hurrah but fear and humility.

If a path feel safe, it’s probably not the right path, but if it scares you, it probably is. And the degree of resistance you have is probably proportionate to the amount of power waiting to be unleashed once the no breaks through a yes and the call is followed”
I just loved that!

The trick now is remembering the lessons that I’ve learned over the past few months. I don’t want to play small anymore, I’m afraid if I play small, I’ll stay small, and I didn’t like that one bit.  It doesn’t feel good.
I need to stop listening to that inner critic and go forward with renewed determination to live big.  Will you join me?  Is there something you feel called to do? (write a book, start a non-profit?) Is there a difference only you can make, or can you help contribute and give time to a cause that’s important to you?  If you didn’t care an ounce what anyone thought, what would you dare to try, to learn, to become?  Are you living confined by the walls of what someone said or did that made you feel small?  Can you learn to re-train your brain to a new vision of the life you want to and are capable of living?
You all know by now I’m a huge Jody Moore fan.  She’s my life coach of over 2 years now, and Her book Better than Happy will CHANGE….YOUR….LIFE!  I’m just sayin!!  But in her podcast episode 290, Why you should brag more, she said  “I think you should start letting yourself show up in all of your glory. Some people might be irritated, I won’t lie, but I won’t be one of them. I love to be around someone that embraces themselves, it’s so inspiring, it’s so energizing.”
That’s what I want to be today and everyday, that person that embraces herself, who makes no apology for being great at being her. Who Rises up, shakes off the cocoon that’s felt so small and spreads her wings in the face of her big big future. 
Today I want to stop shrinking in order to be digestible.  Without sounding uncaring, others may choke, if they must.  I also refuse to shut myself down again, with the lie that being less than, is somehow a better alternative than harnessing my greatness and sharing it with the world.

Joseph Campbell, an American professor of literature, said it best: “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”  

And that my friends is no small task!  Have a great week.